The majority of old folks will take active part in their children’s marriages. They would gladly organize things, relish giving counsel and offer all kinds of assistance. Mothers eagerly follow brides-to be to trials selecting the dress. They help to pick out the location and the menu.
Some of women can get involved a lot, trying to solve everything down to the smallest of details, but it is only natural. Parents desire that most important lifetime formality to be flawless. For the two of them, it is the turning point – the moment you cease being their darling little girl and become a woman running her own living with a spouse.
You’ve probably been a good child to them ever. So, supposedly, one can set the date, so that it suits your folks in the first place and meet them halfway, when it comes to buying the gown. Mom and Dad will have a say in whom to invite. After all, they foot the bill – well, portion of it.
They may ask to opt for different tableware, invitations, design, switch to another venue, florist, bridesmaid… They may ask you to change the groom! Joking aside, but wedding consultants all over the world witnessed thousands of nuptial ceremonies with pouting parents. Unreasonable as it is, sometimes the very people, who birthed us, categorically oppose our choice of partner – up to the point where they say they’d rather want that marriage not to be executed at all.
Family will tell you, how they’ll never reconcile themselves, and so on. It’s harsh, but it happened to more than one happy couple – if the attribute would be appropriate, once Mother and Father give a piece of their mind on the subject of Mr. Right, who suddenly turns Mr. Wrong. Perhaps, they always pictured Daughter next to someone in particular and cannot disassociate now from the image of Mr. Perfect.
Well, look at the bright side of it. The years of yore, when lovers had no choice but bend heads in submission and part in tears, are past. It’s not the Middle Age, when a certain Capuletti clan could have interfered as far as becoming the cause of a real tragedy. Those times are gone and forgotten – well, actually still remembered thanks to the brilliant English poet – but gone for good. Surely, one cannot tell the heart what to feel.
All grown up men and women understand that the freedom of marriage is a basic human right, and others are not allowed to meddle. Nevertheless, your big day will probably be overshadowed. We sympathize and hope the tips down there can help engaged people waltz through the tricky places in tying the knot like nothing happened – even if we have no way of influencing the resentment behind it all.
Nuptial advice for girls with frowning parents
Before you create the schedule of the event, figure out how much involvement to expect from the ancestors on the wedding day. Occasionally, one or both flat-out decline to come, saying they just don’t want to be part of it. In many cases mother and father agree to be in, although grudgingly. Also there is always the third possibility: they vacillate and are likely to change minds abruptly in either direction. One thing is clear: for once, you cannot depend on your dearest. Therefore:
Be flexible and ready to bend the rules – even part with tradition, if need be. Find a substitute to assume the escorting duties. Explain to that person the reason why he is asked to step in. Actually, brides may be led down the aisle by other men. They can also walk it alone chin up, proud and dignified. Sooner it won’t be considered a serious etiquette break in most civil or even religious ceremonials.
Let other people know. It is better if the guests are aware about the parental attitude – that they don’t like their future son-in-law, thus, hate the very idea of this marriage. Make it known to others somehow in advance, rather than leave the crowd wondering. It will also help to escape awkward moments, when anybody rushes to congratulate your Mom or Dad.
Prepare for betrayals. Some close ones and friends feel they have to stand by your parent’s side – to the point they bow out and not turn up for the event altogether. Let it not take you and your intended by surprise. Keep a stiff upper lip.
Party on a budget. Beside the fact, that the couple may not receive the financial support for the arrangements, it counted on, consider this: celebrating big time, when the dearest people are unhappy, is just not a particularly brilliant idea. Try to keep a lower profile. Of course, we are totally against calling off receptions and dinners. Everyone deserves to have a proper wedding, with a flurry of confetti and clinking champagne glasses.
If your folks do come, enlist someone’s help to stay with them for the most of the festivities and provide reassurance, just in case. Perhaps, it could be a relative or a friend, who’s loyal to both sides, and whom parents themselves like. It will be easier for everybody. Mothers are known to have kicked up the rumpus. If yours is a potential trouble-maker, capable of wreaking havoc on the big day, it is especially advisable to find a reliable person to have an eye on her.
Consider hiring an experienced master of the ceremonies. Ask about. You may even run into a pro, who happened to MC weddings with disapproving in-laws. A professional will manage to channel off attention of the guests and defuse emotional bombs.
Plan out the seating chart with the relatives’ well-being in mind. Do not place Ma and Pa at the same table with people, who will not be their best company for the rest of the evening – the groom’s family, for instance. Remember to spare your husband’s Mom and Dad the embarrassment of chilly indifference or snide comments.
Do not request speeches from parents. We suppose, one can dispense with the custom under the circumstances.
If Mother and Father are not going to the nuptial ceremony and warn you and the groom, they should still get written invitations. Before sending them over, try to talk to folks and explain you give them a free hand. Tell the folks that you will both be broken-hearted, but will always respect their decision. Do not push or pressure.
Less so, do not try to convince them to reconsider. Do not impose their company on your future hubby and the reverse, hoping these people suddenly see straight and warm up to their prospective son-in-law. Give them time and do not make things more stressful for either side than they are already.
Final note: Some couples, who have been there, say that disapproving parents even brought them closer, strengthening the connection. As much as the older generation would like to chase away the groom, it achieved the opposite effect. The young ones learned to appreciate each other more and realized why they were together, in the first place. So this experience may even prove helpful. Afterwards, when the nearest people finally see how happy you are, they can start liking their in-laws twice as much. Who knows? Anyway, good luck and more power to your elbow!
All photos were made by Ruslan Makushkin
More photos you can find here: http://ruslanmakushkin.com/